The Singing Housewife and Simone the Little Pig
Things I love about La Ferme du Lama Gourmand:
1. The fact that it is called La Ferme du Lama Gourmand – The Farm of the Gourmet Llama. And, evidently, the llamas. Quite possibly some of the funniest looking animals in the world. They are also very well behaved when it comes to posing for photos which the 26 million llama photos I have taken will show.
2. Mud, fine food and pretty countryside.
3. Simone….I always thought pigs were semi-cute but never truly understood some peoples’ passionate love for them. Then I met Simone. Simone is very small and brown with paler stripes (stripes! on a pig! like a little tiger pig!!!). She is round like a barrel and often gets scared of people. Apparently the solution to this is to let her sleep in your bed one night, something which Michel intends to do next weekend. I am devastated not to be here.
4. French Scrabble. Playing it. More importantly, nearly winning it. I lost by one measly freakin’ point! Though at third game, I drank too much wine and forgot to count half the points, so who knows who won? Not me though. Foreign language + wine = no.
5. Frère Jacques is the ring tone on their phone.
6. The music collection of hosts. No one has been home during the day so I get to make dinner whilst singing at top of voice along with Nina Simone, Edith Piaf, Eartha Kitt, Shirley Bassey, Liza Minelli, Antony & the Johnstons, a wide range of opera classics and various excellent soundtracks including, yes, Yentl! (meanwhile not smoking for 4 months has stopped that unbearable pain I used to get on the high notes – woot woot!)
7. Being introduced, in the evenings, to the CDs I didn’t recognise including Juliette and Nina Hagen as well as a variety of old French singers who use a lot of euphemisms for sex, masturbating and genitalia (hairy mountain being my favourite.) A few of these songs are great for a charleston which I attempted to teach to Guillaume.
8. Meeting someone else (Guillaume) who’s voice can carry through several rooms and who you can hear even when you can’t hear the 12 other people in the room with him. I am not alone!
9. Three words: Hay Bale Backpack.
10. Finding out that one of my three favourite French words; Pompier (meaning fireman) is also a euphemism for blowjob. Very upsetting. Fortunately have replaced it with ‘topinambour’ which is a jerusalem artichoke. The pigs eat them. (coming in 1st and 2nd are ‘quantitativement’ and ‘plombier.’ in case you were interested)